6/30 Things - The Hardest Thing

        It's hard to pinpoint the hardest thing that I've ever experienced.  Having been a young mom in a unhealthy relationship at the time, that would probably be near the top of my list, except for the fact that I had the immense support of my mother and father to help me.  Although I was originally super apprehensive about them finding out about my pregnancy, they were very loving and supportive.  I thank God every day that my parents were pro-life and never even suggested abortion, although that would have been the "easy way out" at the time.

        I think back to a friend I had, the same age as me, earlier that same year, who found herself with an unplanned pregnancy.  Her child would have been mere months older than my son.  I still sometimes imagine what it would have been like.  Would we still be friends?  Would our children be friends?  It literally breaks my heart to think about, and I don't think I'll ever completely get over it.  Part of me hurts because, although I was 15/16 years old, I can't help but think that maybe there was something that I could have said to change her mind.  In the back of my mind, I know that there is nothing I could have done, but it still haunts me.

        Anyway, yes being a young mom was hard.  But I wouldn't change anything if I could.  My son is such an intelligent, funny, and caring kid.  He's also a big brother now, and he just loves his sister to pieces.  I wouldn't take back any of the difficult moments in my life, because I feel that during those moments is when we are shaped and molded into what we are today.  The difficulties we face define us, and how we deal with them empowers us to face what's ahead.

3/30 Things - Parents

        Words cannot express how thankful I am to have been raised by my parents.  There are too many adults my age dealing with various issues because of their childhood upbringing.  Now, I'm not saying that my parents were perfect, because they were far from it, but they tried so hard to give me a wonderful childhood.  They had their fair share of "issues" when I was younger (mostly stuff I don't remember) but they stayed together, and worked things out.  Sadly, my father passed away in 2005, leaving my mom widowed and alone (I was living in an apartment at the time, with my ex and my son (who was around 3 at the time).

        Honestly, to this day I believe that everything happens for a reason.  While my parents brought me up to respect myself enough to wait for marriage, I strayed a bit in my teenage years, and wound up pregnant at 17.  Now, am I saying that God planned for me to be a 17 year old mother in an unhealthy relationship?  No, but I believe that things happened so that my dad could have a grandchild before he passed.  He got to spend 3 years with my son, and strangely enough (or miraculously?) at 10 years old, my son remembers his grandpop from his babyhood/toddler-hood and I believe that it has helped form him into the awesome kid he is today.

        Towards the end, I wasn't very close with my parents due to my depression.  I can honestly say that I don't even remember the last year or so of my father's life, and that's been difficult for me to write or talk about... I blocked a lot out from the first few years of my son's life, and that hurts too.  I think the depression was both from the fact that I was in an unhappy relationship and also that my father passed away so suddenly, and I never really had a chance to say goodbye.

        Over the years though, I have forgiven myself and realize that time can't be rewound.  I can only move forward and make the most of life now.  Family is precious and we should cherish and love them.  My mom now lives with my husband, children, and I.  Lots of people think that "living with in-laws" doesn't work out, but this setup is great for us.  My mom isn't lonely, she gets to spend lots of time with her grandchildren, and in turn we get the joy of her company as well.  She is a wonderful and selfless person who loves the Lord and has much wisdom about life to offer.

        I can't make a post about parents though without including my mother-in-law.  She has truly been like a second mother to me over the past 6 years.  Ever since I met her, she has been nothing but wonderful to my son and I.  She is a great Noña to him and is thrilled that she now has a beautiful granddaughter to enjoy also!  She raised my husband into the wonderful man that he is today, and continues to be a strong, inspirational role model in his life.

        In closing, I believe that we are given the parents (or parental-figures) that we have for a reason.  The impact they make on us, whether positive, negative, or whatever it may be, helps to shape us into who we are today and what kind of parents/spouses we will become.  This can teach us a valuable lesson too though, because as parents, our children are watching us and learning from us, we are shaping them for the future, just as our parents did with us!

2/30 Things - 3 Fears

        Fear is a funny thing.  I never understood the popular TV series, Fear Factor, although I occasionally watched out of morbid curiosity.  Some of the challenges, seemed more like "let's be as disgusting as possible to get TV ratings and cause mass vomiting" rather than "man up and face your fears to win $$$". Drinking puree'd caterpillars or laying in a bed full of worms wouldn't exactly scare me, but it would give me the heebie jeebies and I'd probably opt out before the first challenge had even begun.


        Anyway, I think we all have our own idea what constitutes as fear, and our own validations as to why.  That said, here are my 3 Legitimate Fears and how they became so:

1. Bugs - I don't like most bugs.  I find them creepy.  The more segments they have, the freakier they are to me.  Ants are a huge one for me... Owning our own home which came with it's own mini-jungle (untamed wrap-around flower garden neglected by the previous owner for 1 decade+) kind of screams "Please join us for lunch ants!!!!!"  - So we have to be very proactive to keep them at bay during the warmer months... When I find an ant in my kitchen, the whole block knows about it, because I involuntarily let out a blood-curdling scream loud enough to wake the dead.  Spiders, crickets, and other creepy little bugs also gross me out, and mosquitoes just piss me off!  
2. [Origin: I've just been creeped out by them for as long as I can remember..]
3. Disease - I don't like to acknowledge this one, because I like to keep my thoughts positive, but let's be real, it's a fear.  I think my husband has accused me of being a hypochondriac quite a few times over the years, and hey I'll admit I used to be way worse... At the first sign of a headache or a rash on my toe I'd google my "symptoms and the worrying would start.  Lots of praying, reading God's word, and also just realizing I was being ridiculous has sort of helped ease my irrational fears, but the "what ifs" still loom in the back of my head.
   [Origin: IMO, the internet age, the information highway, knowledge might be power but it's scary!]
4. The path my kids choose - This one is something I'm sure every parent struggles with... Am I doing the right things?  Saying the right things?  Will they stay with the Lord?  Will they fall in love, have their hearts broken, get married, have children of their own?  Etc..etc...etc... Obviously it's not a nagging/crippling fear, and I trust God to protect them, it's just one of those things I wonder about... maybe not exactly a fear, but close enough!  Fear for the unknown I guess would be a better description.
   [Origin: Becoming a mom.]

        Well, there you have it.  I'm sure there's more than that, but those were the first 3 I thought of, and felt led to write about!  What are YOU afraid of?

1/30 Things - 20 Random Facts

1. I'm a Virgo, and although I don't follow astrology, my hubby says my personality is pretty spot-on with the description of a "Virgo"
2. Although I've had 3 dogs in my life, I'm not a "dog person" and I never really got attached to any of them.
3. I used to sell Premier Designs jewelry, but I gave up on it after a little less than a year.
4. I tried playing the flute, piano, and karate lessons as a child, and never stuck with any of them.
5. I LOVE coupons, and I get the biggest rush ever from finding a stellar deal, and stocking up... The best part is putting a huge amount of an item in my cart, and also at the check-out lane, watching the amount owed drop!
6. Although I'm now a brunette (and that's my natural hair color), I went blonde for several years as a teen.
7. I took a break after fact #6, to go eat an entire half of watermelon myself... I gave my daughter a piece but she just smashed it.  My belly hurts.
8. I sometimes pretend I have my own cooking show while making food in my kitchen,
9. I love spicy food, mexican food, sushi, seafood, italian food, heck... I love FOOD, but those were my favorites.
10. We sometimes go through 12-16 sticks of butter a week.  (<3 Costco/BJs )
11. I never went to prom.
12. I love high-pulp content orange juice.  Orange juice without pulp grosses me out.
13. I loved being pregnant.  Loved it!
14. I don't drink cow's milk at all, but I will cook with it, and eat cheese, yogurt, etc made with it. 
15. My favorite teacher actually wasn't "my" teacher, she was my son's teacher.   I wish she would have been mine!  She is seriously a real life mother goose.
16. I collect salt & pepper shakers.
17. My favorite shows are The Walking Dead, Grey's Anatomy, Reba (no longer aired), & Full House (ditto)
18. I love playing video games, but I don't feel like there's enough time in the day, or that they are important enough to distract me from everything else in my life, so I rarely play them anymore.
19. My longest job was a waitress for Cracker Barrel, nearly 5 years.
20. I haven't smoked a cigarette since I found out I was pregnant with my daughter over 2 years ago,  but I still miss them often.  I am too strong to go back though!

        There you have it, 20 random facts about me!